Message No. 857

For me, the most prominent reaction I had was denial, not in the sense that I didn’t acknowledge the virus exists, but more like – even with all these changes, I can still live my life as normal, just with less face to face interaction. I was trying to reassure my family that all these changes were fine, even when they were really not, so I acted like nothing affected me. However, my facade of indifference has cracked at the oddest times: in my first conference call for work, I had a panic attack; I cried listening to happy songs; I did a video conference with some kids from my youth group, and I teared up once I saw their faces. I still am not ready to express my grief to my family, and I probably won’t ever be ready for that, so I’m so very thankful for this space.

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